Of Causes and Facts

There has been a settlement in this case, and I will post about it soon.

As we saw this week in the news, as long as there is a "Cause", facts be damned.

It's also quite interesting to find out what people are saying behind your back.

I was approached a short time back at the local library by a gentlemen who recognized me and asked me my name. After telling him, he replied "I can't believe you are still living here".

Being somewhat naive, I asked him what he meant. He said "after all that, I can't believe you live here".

I thought that comment required a bit more examination so I asked him what was meant. "Well after all that you've done...". I asked what his involvement was. Turns out he was asked to help religious-ex by some folks who "knew" the situation. He said he was willing to help because she was, and I quote, "a Cause and of course you know everyone loves a Cause".

As the conversation continued and he was supplied with some basic facts, we agreed that religious-ex had somewhat mishandled this case and likely should have taken at least one of the offers that had been made to her all those years ago.

Instead of leaving it to your imagination, I've decided to post (redacted of course to remove names), one of the many offers that was made to her over the years.

I'd ask that you note the date of the letter and the request for my clothing and other personal effects. This was a full 16 months after I was ejected from my home, 10 months after the Get. It only took another 6 months for her to turn it over to me.

There is one 6 figure sum mentioned in there. At one point, the marital estate was worth a lot Lot LOT more than that, of which she would have gotten half of. This is in addition to maintenance and child support, which, without tuition, would have been over half my take home pay.

A very very large percentage of that is now gone, paid to lawyers. You will also notice the mention of restricted stock options in there. That is also gone, forever, due to her taking a court order prohibiting me from liquidating assets so I could not sell it as the market crashed around us. We are not discussing the 35% decline in the value of the house.

Over the years, I wondered what I could have possibly offered to make this go away. I now realize that the many people who told me that "everyone loves a cause" were right.

Shame on all of you who took advantage of this situation to further your own personal agendas and make yourselves feel good. Double shame on those of you who profited from this terrible situation and pick Religious-ex's pockets clean.

And Triple shame for talking behind my back without bothering to get the facts. Y'all know who you are. All of you have my phone number. Call me. I've got a bunch of file boxes that I am happy to share.

Redacted Offer

Charity and Rock and Roll

Religious-ex is a groupie. Over 40 years old and following a rock star around the New York Area. This is called John Mayer week. That is when John Mayer comes to town and we buy tickets and attend all of his concerts like a mature adult.

From Religious-ex's blog:

All is well for me to have gotten the opportunity to see John Mayer and company at least 4 times in a week - between the Today show, sound checks, performances - it was tough to budget for, but I regret not a single moment or a single penny spent.

Does anyone know how much 4 tickets to Rock Concerts cost?

Religious-ex claims she is destitute and her concert tickets were tough to budget for. This should come as no surprise since she spent a quarter million dollars litigating instead of taking a 50-50 asset split. She wanted more. But that's for later.

So where does charity come in? Tomche Shabbos helps those who cannot afford food make Shabbos. They are a wonderful organization that everyone should support in whatever Kehila they reside.

What does Religious-ex have money in her budget for?

Lawyers - Check
John Mayer week - Check
Shoes for children - nope (see previous post)
Food for Shabbos - Call Tomche Shabbos - Check

So Regligious-ex, how does it feel to take food from the mouths of people who really need it, who can't find room in their budget for Rock show tickets? I figure a weeks worth of Rock Show tickets could have made Shabbos for what, 5-6 families?

Nice, very nice.

Modern Day Hellenists

On of the key parts of the Chanukah story is the liberation of the Jewish religion from the clutches of Hellenism.

As we know, the Greeks, unlike enemies past and present, had no designs on our lives but only our souls by means of our institutions and systems. They were intrigued by us, our society, our legal system, our monotheism and our devotion to this system. It annoyed them to no end that we would use an imperfect calendar, have a day of rest without entertainment and mutilate our personal temples, being our bodies.

How does this apply to our story on this blog?

We are blessed with a country that allows us the freedom to practice our religion in any form we wish. There are no restrictions on us since our religion, is compatible the laws of the United States which is based on Judeo-christian values.

Our modern day Jewish Hellenists are those who use the system of the USA to tear down the system of Judaism or tear down the systems of the USA, hiding behind supposed leniency of Halacha as it pertains to the non-Jew.

Both of these categories of individuals are Mechallel Sheim Shomayim by trying to make the world a better place for Yiddishkeit. Very similar to the Hellenists and their goals back in the time of Chanukah.

For example, there are the Satmar Chasidim who fight, only L'Sheim Shomayim, in the Courts of the United States instead of in the Botei Dinim as Halacha requires. There is no wiggle room here. These are people that are destroying our system of Yiddishkeit in the name of making it better.

I hope religious-ex, as she looks at the Chanukiah burning brightly in the window, realizes that she and her attorneys are modern day Hellenists. They run rampant over our halachic systems, on a mission to tear down the institutions of Judaism here in US, where we have the freedom to run our lives as Jews, in order to create what they think is a better world.

So religious-ex, did you sing Mah Oz Tzur? I'm sure you did.

Hypocrite.

Mi Im Yehudim?

Who's side is she on, really? If you know her, ask her. What boggles my mind is hw she plays up the need to send her children to school to teach them love of Eretz Yisroel and Zionism. I wonder if these school's know how hse really feels about Eretz Yisroel.

Edited to mask Religious ex's identity:

.....

This blog is a repost from a ......... I read this in horror which hit me in waves as I read. As a woman, a mother, a daughter, a sister and a Jew, this news is simply apalling. This is where fear and vengeance take the ugliest of turns and it's also the space where NO GOOD CAN EVER COME.

.....


The Jewish people have a code of ethics and behaviour that we pride ourselves on. There is a book of lessons of the fathers called the Pirkei Avot that help us lead moral and well thought-out lives. In this tome it is clearly written:
"V'ahavta L'reyacha Kamocha" Simply translated, this means "Love your friend as you love yourself." Brings to mind the classic "Do unto others as you would have done to you"

...

Read on at your own risk - it's an ugly tale that must be told.

Love and Peace and LIFE to all,
XXXXX (name removed to protect the guilty)

********

"Gaza is a jail. Nobody is allowed to leave. We are all starving now."

Gaza is Dying

By PATRICK COCKBURN; September 7, 2006 - Counterpunch

Gaza.

Gaza is dying. The Israeli siege of the Palestinian enclave is so tight that its people are on the edge of starvation. Here on the shores of the Mediterranean a great tragedy is taking place that is being ignored because the world's attention has been diverted by wars in Lebanon and Iraq.

A whole society is being destroyed. There are 1.5 million Palestinians imprisoned in the most heavily populated area in the world. Israel has stopped all trade. It has even forbidden fishermen to go far from the shore so they wade into the surf to try vainly to catch fish with hand-thrown nets.

Many people are being killed by Israeli incursions that occur every day by land and air. A total of 262 people have been killed and 1,200 wounded, of whom 60 had arms or legs amputated, since 25 June, says Dr Juma al-Saqa, the director of the al-Shifa Hospital in Gaza City which is fast running out of medicine. Of these, 64 were children and 26 women. This bloody conflict in Gaza has so far received only a fraction of the attention given by the international media to the war in Lebanon.

*****

I've stopped here since I don't need to provide a forum for "Palestinian Propaganda" but we can see where her sympathies lie. Simply put, Religious-Ex is an Arab Lover. I can safely tell you that she NEVER posted about the poor people in Sederot.

Who is Religious-Ex, really?

We've decided to talk a bit about Religious Ex so people can get a good feel for who she is.

We present a comment to a blog post that she wrote shortly after the Second Lebanon War to one of her Palestinian "Cousins" who was making a case that Israel is an apartheid state and should be treated as such:

"I am not Israeli, nor am I in any way "pro" the atrocities the governments in that country condone and perpetuate. I offer No excuse for hate or for discrimination or for senseless violence and bloodshed - I am frankly sickened and horrified by it all."

She is also a card carrying member of Brit Tzedek, an organization committed to a two state solution and "difficult compromises". They are found here .

This is only the tip of the iceberg. I'm positive that her family, who lives in the Gush, in Liberated Territory, is very proud of her. I'm sure they are thrilled that she supports the "difficult compromises" that would have them "evacuated" from their homes.

It feels like the truth about her needs to be told. Enough is enough.

More to come.

Mommy's Priorities

These are my son's shoes.

What are they doing on my blog?

A couple of years back, Religious-ex was getting just under 5 figures in monthly support. This was almost my entire take home pay based on the lies she told the Judge. It was later reduced substantially.

Religious-ex was very nice to send my children to visit me whenever I would win a round. So one day my son shows up and I look at his shoes. These are the shoes in the picture.

Turns out Mommy was spending her money showing everyone how big of a woman she was, squeezing her husband for every penny he makes.

Big Woman around town and lots of lawyers.

What makes this even worse was Religious-ex had also emptied out two bank accounts, each in very high 5 figures while claiming poverty. She likes to claim poverty.

Money for $50 Sushi lunches, money for rock concerts, money to take friends out to dinner, money to have two lawyers follow her around, no money for shoes.

Appears that not only the shoemaker's kids go with torn shoes.

I'd really like to know your reactions.

Here we go again....

I'm sorry I have not been around for a while. I've been trying to put my situation out of my mind. I'm a bit stressed out and I find that writing it down helps, so here we go.....

After considering my options, discussing it with my lawyers and my Rav, I had decided to go on the offensive. This was to include motions in both the lower and upper court for contempt, a Hazmanah to an established Bais Din  and working with one of the "get" organizations that offered to help me. My upper court lawyer had his motion done and was ready to go.

This was at the end of November.

Then....

I received a call from my Toein (advocate) telling me that "Religious ex" has a new Dayan. Again. For the 4th time in 12 months. No explanations as usual. Toein tells me that Dayan 4 is pushing for the Din Torah to happen.  She also now has a Toein. He is also pushing for a Din Torah. 

Of course I wonder why she is suddenly so interested in going to a Din Torah. I'm fairly certain that it is not due to an the incredible urge to do the right thing.

We had a date for the end of January but that did not pan out because of a schedule conflict with "New Shlish" and "My Toein".

All the Dayanim and Toanim have agreed on two dates for the end of March.

In the mean time, it is now almost three years since I've seen my daughter, I'm told that she wants to go to Israel for her seminary year. It's been almost two years since I've seen my boys, I am told they are doing OK. I miss them. It stresses me out to no end.

For some reason I'm feeling optimistic that the end of March will happen. I hope that I'm not let down again.

Ambivalence rules the day

I am still debating my next move.

I have a few options. First, I can continue to try and get "religious ex" to agree and show up to Zavlah. Second, I can go to court and try and get to enforce their decision that the financial components need to be resolved at a Din Torah. Third, I can do this the hard way and fight it out in public.

My lawyers are split, one wants to go for a contempt charge, the other says to keep at the Bais Din process, eventually she will have to show up.

There is one item which may not be perfectly clear. There already was a Shtar Brurin signed. As the Bais Din was nearing a decision on finances, her lawyers informed the Bais Din that she would go to court anyway. She did not listen to a number of the Bais Din's interim decisions so they believed her. Rather than being embarrassed by this, the original Shlish in the case resigned. I wish they had issued a ruling, it could have been enforced under the law. This took place 3 years ago.

"Religious ex" proceeded to the court system. The Court ordered her back to Bais Din more than 2 years ago.

If it sounds complicated, it is :-(

So one more time, why did I give that "get"?

I wish I was not a decent person, life would be much easier.......

Today is not THE day

Today was supposed to be the day for the Bais Din to hear my case.

Alas it is not to be.

On Monday I received a call from a mutual acquaintance, we can call him "mutual friend", indicating the "religious ex" was going to show up for the Din Torah. Normally, the Toein would be the one to deal with scheduling the Din Torah. We needed to use this friend to communicate with her since she refuses to make the name of the Toein known to any of the Rabbonim.

Last night, my Rav gets a call from her Rav, Dayan 3.

Dayan 3 apologizes for the late call but "religious ex" is not showing up. Apparently, her lawyer is not able to make as the lawyer needs to be in court all day.

I call mutual friend. "What on earth is going on here?" I ask.

Well, "religious ex" says that she wasn't formally aware of the date until Monday. Her her lawyer could not make it.

Now, Dayan 3 knew about the date since he agreed to show up.

I ask "can we get the name of her Toein so we can let her know the schedule"?

Religious ex refuses to give him the name. Dayan 3 has also said that since he is a Dayan, he cannot talk to religious ex to get the Toein's name.

I had high hopes that we would get this thing over, I am so disappointed.

She has managed to avoid Bais Din for 3 1/2 years now. I feel that I have no options left but to go into the court system and ask for contempt against "religious ex". The Court ordered her in 2005 to return to Zavlah. The Court ordered her in May of 2006 to appoint a Dayan in 30 days.

I am frustrated. I really don't want to go to The Court. It would be a serious Chillul Hashem. I don't know what to do.

I thank Lurker for asking pointed questions. I will address those that will not give away my identity; I am ready for that yet.

Does this mean that you gave the get prior to offering the settlement?

I gave a get as soon as the Bais Din asked me to. I did not ask that the financial issues be resolved before that.

You say "to be issued". Does this mean that the psak was not, in fact, issued?

This is correct. The Bais Din was ready to issue a financial Psak. My "religious-ex" had extremely aggressive lawyers who informed the Bais Din that she would not listen to the psak of the Bais Din.

What rulings did she ignore? You implied above that no psak was issued.

There were a series of interim rulings dealing with property and visitation. She ignored almost all of them. For example, I received my clothing 18 months after the "get" was written instead of within 30 days.

Do you mean that she sued for divorce in a civil court?

She in fact went and sued for divorce in court. She has received a small fortune in rulings from the court.

She has since been ordered by the court to return to Bais Din and resolve the financial issues there.

She has avoided it.

The Halacha is fairly clear on the topic of secular courts and it is VERY clear on the status of monies awarded there.

I hope this gives some clarity to what I face...

Thank you for "listening".

Why am I here?

There is much conversation in the frum community about men who will not give a "Get" and the plight of Agunahs.

I am here to discuss the other side of the story.

While I am sure that there are many instances of men using a "Get" as a financial weapon, I sit here typing and wondering if they are not smarter than I.

I gave a Get before Pesach 2004 without any financial strings attached.

After proceeding to offer a settlement which the Dayanim thought was insane on my part, the negotiations fell apart and a Psak was to be issued. My "religious ex" proceeded to ignore the rulings of the Bais Din, walked out and went to court.

This was 3 1/2 years ago.

I'd like my life back. I'd like my money back. I'd like a Civil Divorce. I'd love to see my children.

Let's talk about this. I am looking for help.