A Psak

Last week the Bais Din finally issued a ruling.

I do not understand how the Bais Din arrived at parts of this ruling as I thought we had made a very strong case. Toein and I have discussed it and we must accept it. Seems that Dayan 4 did a good job for her team.

Here we go again....

I'm sorry I have not been around for a while. I've been trying to put my situation out of my mind. I'm a bit stressed out and I find that writing it down helps, so here we go.....

After considering my options, discussing it with my lawyers and my Rav, I had decided to go on the offensive. This was to include motions in both the lower and upper court for contempt, a Hazmanah to an established Bais Din  and working with one of the "get" organizations that offered to help me. My upper court lawyer had his motion done and was ready to go.

This was at the end of November.

Then....

I received a call from my Toein (advocate) telling me that "Religious ex" has a new Dayan. Again. For the 4th time in 12 months. No explanations as usual. Toein tells me that Dayan 4 is pushing for the Din Torah to happen.  She also now has a Toein. He is also pushing for a Din Torah. 

Of course I wonder why she is suddenly so interested in going to a Din Torah. I'm fairly certain that it is not due to an the incredible urge to do the right thing.

We had a date for the end of January but that did not pan out because of a schedule conflict with "New Shlish" and "My Toein".

All the Dayanim and Toanim have agreed on two dates for the end of March.

In the mean time, it is now almost three years since I've seen my daughter, I'm told that she wants to go to Israel for her seminary year. It's been almost two years since I've seen my boys, I am told they are doing OK. I miss them. It stresses me out to no end.

For some reason I'm feeling optimistic that the end of March will happen. I hope that I'm not let down again.

Ambivalence rules the day

I am still debating my next move.

I have a few options. First, I can continue to try and get "religious ex" to agree and show up to Zavlah. Second, I can go to court and try and get to enforce their decision that the financial components need to be resolved at a Din Torah. Third, I can do this the hard way and fight it out in public.

My lawyers are split, one wants to go for a contempt charge, the other says to keep at the Bais Din process, eventually she will have to show up.

There is one item which may not be perfectly clear. There already was a Shtar Brurin signed. As the Bais Din was nearing a decision on finances, her lawyers informed the Bais Din that she would go to court anyway. She did not listen to a number of the Bais Din's interim decisions so they believed her. Rather than being embarrassed by this, the original Shlish in the case resigned. I wish they had issued a ruling, it could have been enforced under the law. This took place 3 years ago.

"Religious ex" proceeded to the court system. The Court ordered her back to Bais Din more than 2 years ago.

If it sounds complicated, it is :-(

So one more time, why did I give that "get"?

I wish I was not a decent person, life would be much easier.......

Today is not THE day

Today was supposed to be the day for the Bais Din to hear my case.

Alas it is not to be.

On Monday I received a call from a mutual acquaintance, we can call him "mutual friend", indicating the "religious ex" was going to show up for the Din Torah. Normally, the Toein would be the one to deal with scheduling the Din Torah. We needed to use this friend to communicate with her since she refuses to make the name of the Toein known to any of the Rabbonim.

Last night, my Rav gets a call from her Rav, Dayan 3.

Dayan 3 apologizes for the late call but "religious ex" is not showing up. Apparently, her lawyer is not able to make as the lawyer needs to be in court all day.

I call mutual friend. "What on earth is going on here?" I ask.

Well, "religious ex" says that she wasn't formally aware of the date until Monday. Her her lawyer could not make it.

Now, Dayan 3 knew about the date since he agreed to show up.

I ask "can we get the name of her Toein so we can let her know the schedule"?

Religious ex refuses to give him the name. Dayan 3 has also said that since he is a Dayan, he cannot talk to religious ex to get the Toein's name.

I had high hopes that we would get this thing over, I am so disappointed.

She has managed to avoid Bais Din for 3 1/2 years now. I feel that I have no options left but to go into the court system and ask for contempt against "religious ex". The Court ordered her in 2005 to return to Zavlah. The Court ordered her in May of 2006 to appoint a Dayan in 30 days.

I am frustrated. I really don't want to go to The Court. It would be a serious Chillul Hashem. I don't know what to do.

I thank Lurker for asking pointed questions. I will address those that will not give away my identity; I am ready for that yet.

Does this mean that you gave the get prior to offering the settlement?

I gave a get as soon as the Bais Din asked me to. I did not ask that the financial issues be resolved before that.

You say "to be issued". Does this mean that the psak was not, in fact, issued?

This is correct. The Bais Din was ready to issue a financial Psak. My "religious-ex" had extremely aggressive lawyers who informed the Bais Din that she would not listen to the psak of the Bais Din.

What rulings did she ignore? You implied above that no psak was issued.

There were a series of interim rulings dealing with property and visitation. She ignored almost all of them. For example, I received my clothing 18 months after the "get" was written instead of within 30 days.

Do you mean that she sued for divorce in a civil court?

She in fact went and sued for divorce in court. She has received a small fortune in rulings from the court.

She has since been ordered by the court to return to Bais Din and resolve the financial issues there.

She has avoided it.

The Halacha is fairly clear on the topic of secular courts and it is VERY clear on the status of monies awarded there.

I hope this gives some clarity to what I face...

Thank you for "listening".

Why am I here?

There is much conversation in the frum community about men who will not give a "Get" and the plight of Agunahs.

I am here to discuss the other side of the story.

While I am sure that there are many instances of men using a "Get" as a financial weapon, I sit here typing and wondering if they are not smarter than I.

I gave a Get before Pesach 2004 without any financial strings attached.

After proceeding to offer a settlement which the Dayanim thought was insane on my part, the negotiations fell apart and a Psak was to be issued. My "religious ex" proceeded to ignore the rulings of the Bais Din, walked out and went to court.

This was 3 1/2 years ago.

I'd like my life back. I'd like my money back. I'd like a Civil Divorce. I'd love to see my children.

Let's talk about this. I am looking for help.