I thank Lurker for asking pointed questions. I will address those that will not give away my identity; I am ready for that yet.
Does this mean that you gave the get prior to offering the settlement?
I gave a get as soon as the Bais Din asked me to. I did not ask that the financial issues be resolved before that.
You say "to be issued". Does this mean that the psak was not, in fact, issued?
This is correct. The Bais Din was ready to issue a financial Psak. My "religious-ex" had extremely aggressive lawyers who informed the Bais Din that she would not listen to the psak of the Bais Din.
What rulings did she ignore? You implied above that no psak was issued.
There were a series of interim rulings dealing with property and visitation. She ignored almost all of them. For example, I received my clothing 18 months after the "get" was written instead of within 30 days.
Do you mean that she sued for divorce in a civil court?
She in fact went and sued for divorce in court. She has received a small fortune in rulings from the court.
She has since been ordered by the court to return to Bais Din and resolve the financial issues there.
She has avoided it.
The Halacha is fairly clear on the topic of secular courts and it is VERY clear on the status of monies awarded there.
I hope this gives some clarity to what I face...
Thank you for "listening".
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About Me
- Gave A Get
- I am a divorced man questioning the wisdom of giving a "get" with no strings attached. over 6 YEARS after giving a Get and hundreds of thousand of dollars in legal, Bais Din and other costs, I finally have a divorce
The Players - Update 12/2009
1. Religious Ex - The woman I was married to for 15 years and have 3 children with. She has a Get for over 5 1/2 years.
2. Dayan 1 - The first Dayan appointed by Religious Ex after ordered to by the Court, I'm not sure he ever existed.
3. Dayan 2 - The second Daya appointed by Religious Ex. He lives out of town. He's been replaced.
4. Dayan 3. The new Dayan representing Religious Ex. He's been replaced.
5. Mutual Friend - Has spend 4 months trying to negotiate a deal ( the 6th person to try) and got frustrated (like the rest) with Religious Ex
6. My Rav - The Dayan representing me
7. My 3 Children - that I did not see for 2+ years. I gave up custody after a protracted battle in which they were used as pawns by "religious ex" for money. Two of them are now coming to visit. This makes me happy!
8. The Court - Two Levels of the court system in the state that I live.
9. The Shlish - the neutral Dayan that has been agreed upon by our Dayanim. He's been replaced.
2. Dayan 1 - The first Dayan appointed by Religious Ex after ordered to by the Court, I'm not sure he ever existed.
3. Dayan 2 - The second Daya appointed by Religious Ex. He lives out of town. He's been replaced.
4. Dayan 3. The new Dayan representing Religious Ex. He's been replaced.
5. Mutual Friend - Has spend 4 months trying to negotiate a deal ( the 6th person to try) and got frustrated (like the rest) with Religious Ex
6. My Rav - The Dayan representing me
7. My 3 Children - that I did not see for 2+ years. I gave up custody after a protracted battle in which they were used as pawns by "religious ex" for money. Two of them are now coming to visit. This makes me happy!
8. The Court - Two Levels of the court system in the state that I live.
9. The Shlish - the neutral Dayan that has been agreed upon by our Dayanim. He's been replaced.
10. Dayan 4. "Religious Ex's" latest Borer. He worked hard for her and got her more than a simple reading of the halacha would suggest.
11. New Shlish. The neutral Dayan agreed upon by Dayan 4 and My Rav.
12. Chaya Gitty Rosenberg, who is close to "Religious Ex". Very supportive of her court actions. A real hypocrite.
13. The Askan. A Gentleman from the community where Religious-Ex grew up. He is the only person who she is willing to listen to. Has done incredible job getting 2 kids to talk to me.
14. Askan-2. A very holy man who has been involved with this case since day 1.
12. Chaya Gitty Rosenberg, who is close to "Religious Ex". Very supportive of her court actions. A real hypocrite.
13. The Askan. A Gentleman from the community where Religious-Ex grew up. He is the only person who she is willing to listen to. Has done incredible job getting 2 kids to talk to me.
14. Askan-2. A very holy man who has been involved with this case since day 1.
2 comments:
Comment on this and the previous post-
You still did the right thing; it is your S2BX that is not doing the right thing. I understand that you are now without the "leverage" that a withheld get would offer, but that really isn't any leverage at all. I know agunot, and withholding a get really is reprehensible.
If a divorce is going to be hell, it's going to be hell regardless of whether you gave your get or not. I know this. Giving a get allows you to hold your head up in the community, and allows you, and your ex, to get on with your lives.
I hate to say this, but batei din have virtually no teeth. They are useful for administering the get, but that's about it; they can't enforce rulings on property and visitation- their only stick they can wield is community and social pressure... and if they could wield that effectively, there would be no agunot at all. The taboo against secular courts is rooted in the age when the deck was stacked against Jews by Christian governments in Old Europe and other locales- going to secular court in America, while certainly not without its biases, at least places you in a standardized system, a hierarchy of contingencies, and creates a record. Judges are largely elected, or appointed by officials who were elected, and clients are represented by professionals who have trained all their lives for the system. Beit din is a tribunal of rabbis who serve at their own pleasure or who were appointed by those who were self-appointed. Theres little standardization and no enforcement.
You did the right thing- the consequences of your doing so do not negate that.
Welcome to the club.
I may have done the right thing but now I wish to marry the "next Mrs Right".
I am being held hostage by this fine young woman that I was married to for 15 years (hallachiclly) and therfore cannot marry and start a family.
Had I not given a "get" I most certainly would not be here. I didn't want nor do I want any money from her.
I want to make her wealthy and have her go away!
She has not much else to live for so I get tortured :-(
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